Communicating with our children can be a difficult task at times. We
feel like they're not listening to us; they feel like we're not
listening to them. Good listening and communications skills are
essential to successful parenting.
Your child's feelings, views and opinions have worth, and you should
make sure you take the time to sit down and listen openly and discuss
them honestly.
It seems to be a natural tendency to react rather than to respond. We
pass judgment based on our own feelings and experiences. However,
responding means being receptive to our child's feelings and emotions
and allowing them to express themselves openly and honestly without fear
of repercussion from us. By reacting, we send our child the message
that their feelings and opinions are invalid. But by responding and
asking questions about why the child feels that way, it opens a dialog
that allows them to discuss their feelings further, and allows you a
better understanding of where they're coming from. Responding also
gives you an opportunity to work out a solution or a plan of action with
your child that perhaps they would not have come up with on their own.
Your child will also appreciate the fact that maybe you do indeed
understand how they feel.
It's crucial in these situations to give your child your full and
undivided attention. Put down your newspaper, stop doing dishes, or
turn off the television so you can hear the full situation and make eye
contact with your child. Keep calm, be inquisitive, and afterwards
offer potential solutions to the problem.
Don't discourage your child from feeling upset, angry, or frustrated.
Our initial instinct may be to say or do something to steer our child
away from it, but this can be a detrimental tactic. Again, listen to
your child, ask questions to find out why they are feeling that way, and
then offer potential solutions to alleviate the bad feeling.
Just as we do, our children have feelings and experience difficult
situations. By actively listening and participating with our child as
they talk about it, it demonstrates to them that we do care, we want to
help and we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw
from. Remember, respond - don't react.
For more information on teen parenting visit Teen Repair
