One of the most sensitive and important issues parents have to contend with is the matter of their child’s temperament. Understanding children and their temperament is one important key to better growing-up development of each child’s personality vis-à-vis the world at large.
Needs to Understand Your Child’s Temperament
There is never a better way of knowing your child than understanding his temperament. Doing so means you accept his uniqueness and not your pre-conceived ideas about him before he showed up in your life.
Understanding his temperament will help you in letting go and not blame yourself or your child for situations that are normal as seen from the point of view of your child’s temperament.
Understanding your child’s temperament can help you and your spouse plan strategies to deal with complicated circumstances and situations your child may find himself in. Mild situations need not escalate into major conflicts or difficulties that may cause harm for all parties, especially your child.
You will also understand better how your child learns on his own accord. Experts place fast-adjusting temperaments as those who learn more by doing and practicing. Slower-to-warm temperaments learn by watching and rehearsing internally. Remember, everyone is different.
In this situation, you will learn to forgive yourself and your child after some bad times. As authorities had expressed before, there are no bad temperaments, only that some are more challenging than others and it is up to you to meet up these challenge. Even the most challenging of situations can be “planned” in some way because it had been understood.
With everybody having their own temperaments, you will have to accept that yours and that of your child might not be great going together at present circumstances. However, you may want to look at the possibility that your child’s temperament might just work out fine for him out there in the world. It could happen, too, that maybe in the future your lives may work out fine.
Easy/Flexible Temperament
This child has a generally optimistic outlook, can adapt quickly and is usually positive. He is an easy learner, eats and sleeps regularly (has no trouble sleeping), pleasant and cheerful, And maintains a low-intensity mood.
He can be a crybaby and feels deeply some situations, but he has few significant emotional outbursts. This type comprises about 40% of all people.
Feisty/Difficult/Spirited
The Feisty/Difficult/Spirited type has about 10% of the population, the opposite of the Easy /Flexible. This child is difficult to nap or feed in regular ways. Moreover, he has irregular bowel movements, and sometimes shows his mastery with some things in general.
He has tantrums, is fussy with things, hard to transition and is often unpleasant in manners and ways. On the other hand, he or she is bursting with energy, gets into mischief, and is capable of exploring anything with great intensity.
This type attracts all kinds of negative things and it is easy to scold, punish or even resent this child with this kind of temperament.
Slow-To-Warm Types
The 3rd temperament type is aptly called Slow-To-Warm. 15% of the population belongs to this category. Sometimes, these guys are mistaken for shy or highly-sensitive persons (which they sometimes are.) They usually observe a lot on the outside of things before coming in. he or she may have an irregular sleeping, feeding and other personal habits. This child seems to be always enjoying things or doing them at his own sweet pace.
The rest of the population (35%) cannot be categorized or typed into a group with a pervading form of temperament to classify. The only feature they have is that they all have all features of all three temperaments.
In all these temperament types, you will also find yours. Understanding children and their temperaments also includes understanding your own. Doing so will open your eyes to the many areas where your can connect to that of your child’s, whether you are compatible with each other or not.
To raise well behaved kids visit Better Behavior Wheel Parenting Tool
Understanding Children And Behavior Issues
Behavior issues and the need in understanding children usually fall on teachers and parents. With teachers, dealing with children and their behavior issues brings out another prickly issue of discipline.
Education experts and authorities agree that one way to deal with discipline is related to the outward behavior of children. It is composed of three ideas related to reinforcement – positive, negative, and punishment.
Positive reinforcement
Positive reinforcements (primary and secondary reinforcements) are sometimes compared to the old ‘rewards system’. Basically, it is giving the children what they want or need after they have done what we wanted them to do.
Food, for example, given to the child as a prize for something done is a primary reinforcement. Secondary reinforcements are not rewarding at first, but they will be after accumulating for a period of time. Money is considered a secondary reinforcement.
Negative reinforcement
Negative reinforcement is a little difficult to explain because its use is not usually recognized. Negative reinforcement is something that, when removed, has to be made in order for it to go away. The seat-belt buzzer which gives out an annoying noise and will stop only when it is put on is one example of negative reinforcement.
Punishment
Punishment as a mode of discipline is different from reinforcement. It is like some kind of an opposite because where reinforcement seeks to increase behavior, punishment seeks to decrease it. However, some punishments do not have direct connection to the behavior it is trying to discourage.
Extinction
Extinction is the real opposite of reinforcement in the sense that it removes the rewards that encourage or keep a behavior going. A class clown gets laughter from everyone when he clowns around for attention. But if we ignore him, we use extinction which is the removal of rewards (laughter) that keep the clown going.
Sanctions
Still another way with discipline is having the children think about their actions and behaving in appropriate ways. Sanctions are calculated to help children behave and act in moral ways.
Sanctions include 1) temporary exclusion from the group; 2) calling the child’s attention to the consequences of his actions; 3) depriving the child of what he misused; and 4) restitution. Restitution means he must make good that which he has done wrong or ill.
Temporary exclusion means a child is asked to leave the group until he can participate and follow the group’s rules. Sometimes, this action does not work with all types. Shy types would leave and never come back.
Calling the attention of the child rule-breaker to the consequences of his actions (for instance, breaking crayons) is one other sanction. Again, sometimes not all child law-breakers will feel the weight of this. A child may defiantly declare that he does not care.
This means it could be the time to use the 3rd sanction.
Depriving the use of anything a child has abused or misused is sometimes effective. As with all sanctions, this is related to the child’s previous action. The child may not use any crayons because he broke them.
Restitution is a very important sanction that can be used in discipline. It means “making good that which you have harmed.” A child who broke the crayons of another must “restitute” or replace the crayons before he is admitted to the group again.
Understanding children and behavior issues are the primary considerations before instituting any method of discipline in schools and even in the homes. It is fair for all concerned – the offenders and the do-gooders.
To raise well behaved kids visit Better Behavior Wheel Parenting Tool
Education experts and authorities agree that one way to deal with discipline is related to the outward behavior of children. It is composed of three ideas related to reinforcement – positive, negative, and punishment.
Positive reinforcement
Positive reinforcements (primary and secondary reinforcements) are sometimes compared to the old ‘rewards system’. Basically, it is giving the children what they want or need after they have done what we wanted them to do.
Food, for example, given to the child as a prize for something done is a primary reinforcement. Secondary reinforcements are not rewarding at first, but they will be after accumulating for a period of time. Money is considered a secondary reinforcement.
Negative reinforcement
Negative reinforcement is a little difficult to explain because its use is not usually recognized. Negative reinforcement is something that, when removed, has to be made in order for it to go away. The seat-belt buzzer which gives out an annoying noise and will stop only when it is put on is one example of negative reinforcement.
Punishment
Punishment as a mode of discipline is different from reinforcement. It is like some kind of an opposite because where reinforcement seeks to increase behavior, punishment seeks to decrease it. However, some punishments do not have direct connection to the behavior it is trying to discourage.
Extinction
Extinction is the real opposite of reinforcement in the sense that it removes the rewards that encourage or keep a behavior going. A class clown gets laughter from everyone when he clowns around for attention. But if we ignore him, we use extinction which is the removal of rewards (laughter) that keep the clown going.
Sanctions
Still another way with discipline is having the children think about their actions and behaving in appropriate ways. Sanctions are calculated to help children behave and act in moral ways.
Sanctions include 1) temporary exclusion from the group; 2) calling the child’s attention to the consequences of his actions; 3) depriving the child of what he misused; and 4) restitution. Restitution means he must make good that which he has done wrong or ill.
Temporary exclusion means a child is asked to leave the group until he can participate and follow the group’s rules. Sometimes, this action does not work with all types. Shy types would leave and never come back.
Calling the attention of the child rule-breaker to the consequences of his actions (for instance, breaking crayons) is one other sanction. Again, sometimes not all child law-breakers will feel the weight of this. A child may defiantly declare that he does not care.
This means it could be the time to use the 3rd sanction.
Depriving the use of anything a child has abused or misused is sometimes effective. As with all sanctions, this is related to the child’s previous action. The child may not use any crayons because he broke them.
Restitution is a very important sanction that can be used in discipline. It means “making good that which you have harmed.” A child who broke the crayons of another must “restitute” or replace the crayons before he is admitted to the group again.
Understanding children and behavior issues are the primary considerations before instituting any method of discipline in schools and even in the homes. It is fair for all concerned – the offenders and the do-gooders.
To raise well behaved kids visit Better Behavior Wheel Parenting Tool
Constructing Your Child's Healthy Sense of Self Esteem
Your child's self esteem is their mental foundation. A self-assured
child is confident, secure, happy, well-adjusted and successful. They
can solve problems that come their way, and it thrives under a loving
parent's nurturing care.
What are some good ways to built self esteem in your child?
Most importantly, accept your child for who they are, and help them do the same. Teach your child that nobody is perfect, and that everyone makes mistakes. Show them how to learn and grow from their mistakes, and let them know that you also make mistakes. Children with high self esteem are able to take lessons from mistakes and apply them down the road. A child with low self esteem become frustrated and resort to self-depreciating behavior, such as calling themselves 'stupid' and vowing to 'never try that again.'
Help your child discover their abilities and talents, and encourage outlets for them to build on and improve them. Praise a child not only for improvements in abilities and skills, but also for the traits they naturally possess.
Encourage your child to make positive choices. Open an honest dialog with your child and discuss the possibilities with them. Children who learn skills for making positive choices when they are younger are well-prepared for the tougher choices they have to make when they are older.
Ensure that you spend lots of quality time with your child, at least once a week. Whether you are shooting baskets or going out to grab a hamburger, take time to talk and keep in touch. If you find it difficult to squeeze in quality time during a hectic week, take the time to talk about things during the drive to school or while they are helping you put the groceries away.
To raise well behaved kids visit Better Behavior Wheel Parenting Tool
What are some good ways to built self esteem in your child?
Most importantly, accept your child for who they are, and help them do the same. Teach your child that nobody is perfect, and that everyone makes mistakes. Show them how to learn and grow from their mistakes, and let them know that you also make mistakes. Children with high self esteem are able to take lessons from mistakes and apply them down the road. A child with low self esteem become frustrated and resort to self-depreciating behavior, such as calling themselves 'stupid' and vowing to 'never try that again.'
Help your child discover their abilities and talents, and encourage outlets for them to build on and improve them. Praise a child not only for improvements in abilities and skills, but also for the traits they naturally possess.
Encourage your child to make positive choices. Open an honest dialog with your child and discuss the possibilities with them. Children who learn skills for making positive choices when they are younger are well-prepared for the tougher choices they have to make when they are older.
Ensure that you spend lots of quality time with your child, at least once a week. Whether you are shooting baskets or going out to grab a hamburger, take time to talk and keep in touch. If you find it difficult to squeeze in quality time during a hectic week, take the time to talk about things during the drive to school or while they are helping you put the groceries away.
To raise well behaved kids visit Better Behavior Wheel Parenting Tool
Clear Expectations Make Discipline Easier
Sometimes it can be very challenging to communicate anything with your
child. Setting clear expectations regarding what's acceptable behavior
and what isn't imperative to successfully teaching your child right from
wrong. If the parameters are muddled or the child learns that in one
situation the rules hold true yet in another situation the same rule
does not, it makes for confusion and frustration on both sides.
Sit down with your child well in advance and line out the expectations and consequences of misbehaving or a misdeed. Make it clear that in no uncertain terms is there any room for negotiation at the time of the infraction, and that should such a behavior occur you intend to be firm in your discipline. Rules regarding your child's safety, health or well-being should have no room for negotiation when being set or enforced. Other rules can be openly and honestly discussed with your child and an agreed upon action should be forged that both parents and child can agree upon. If necessary, make a contract between parent and child. Lay it all out in black and white, in language your child can clearly understand. For younger children, you might want to develop a good behavior chart within the contract, and for each week that goes by without any infractions being noted, a favorite or special activity might be earned. The connection between good deeds and special time with mom and/or dad might be just the currency they understand.
But all children need to understand that disciplining them is your way of teaching them what's acceptable behavior and what isn't. It may seem as though children fight rules and regulations, but they truly know that such parameters are meant for their well-being, health, safety, and enable them to grow into a mature person capable of making wise decisions.
To raise well behaved kids visit Better Behavior Wheel Parenting Tool
Sit down with your child well in advance and line out the expectations and consequences of misbehaving or a misdeed. Make it clear that in no uncertain terms is there any room for negotiation at the time of the infraction, and that should such a behavior occur you intend to be firm in your discipline. Rules regarding your child's safety, health or well-being should have no room for negotiation when being set or enforced. Other rules can be openly and honestly discussed with your child and an agreed upon action should be forged that both parents and child can agree upon. If necessary, make a contract between parent and child. Lay it all out in black and white, in language your child can clearly understand. For younger children, you might want to develop a good behavior chart within the contract, and for each week that goes by without any infractions being noted, a favorite or special activity might be earned. The connection between good deeds and special time with mom and/or dad might be just the currency they understand.
But all children need to understand that disciplining them is your way of teaching them what's acceptable behavior and what isn't. It may seem as though children fight rules and regulations, but they truly know that such parameters are meant for their well-being, health, safety, and enable them to grow into a mature person capable of making wise decisions.
To raise well behaved kids visit Better Behavior Wheel Parenting Tool
Building You Child's Self Esteem
It's often been said that children learn what they live. So if you're
looking for a place to start helping your child build positive self
esteem and self value, then you should show them your positive sense of
self and strong self esteem. Be positive when you speak about yourself
and highlight your strengths. This will teach your child that it's okay
to be proud of their talents, skills and abilities.
Your child also benefits greatly from honest and positive praise. Find something about them to praise each day. You could even give your child a task you know they can complete and then praise them for a job well done after they're finished. Show your child that positive acts merit positive praise.
When your child's feeling sad, angry or depressed, communicate openly, honestly and patiently with them. Listen to them without judging or criticizing. They may not fully understand why they feel the way they do, so the opportunity to communicate with you about it may be what's needed to help them sort through a difficult situation. Suggest positive behaviors and options as solutions, and make sure to leave that door of communication open so they know the next time they feel badly, they can come to you for help and know that you won't judge or punish them for how they're feeling.
Teach your child the importance of setting goals and developing a plan to meet that goal and complete that task. Small projects are the best to start off with in the beginning. Ensure that it's an appropriate task for your child, and not too complex. Don't only give praise at the end of the project, but praise their accomplishments during the project as well.
Most importantly, tell your child "I love you" each and every day - many times throughout the day, in fact. When they've behaved badly, remind yourself that it's not them you don't like, only their behavior. Tuck short, sweet notes in their lunchboxes or coat pockets, or even send them a card in the mail. Soon, they'll learn to say "I love you" just as easily and honestly in return.
To raise well behaved kids visit Better Behavior Wheel Parenting Tool
Your child also benefits greatly from honest and positive praise. Find something about them to praise each day. You could even give your child a task you know they can complete and then praise them for a job well done after they're finished. Show your child that positive acts merit positive praise.
When your child's feeling sad, angry or depressed, communicate openly, honestly and patiently with them. Listen to them without judging or criticizing. They may not fully understand why they feel the way they do, so the opportunity to communicate with you about it may be what's needed to help them sort through a difficult situation. Suggest positive behaviors and options as solutions, and make sure to leave that door of communication open so they know the next time they feel badly, they can come to you for help and know that you won't judge or punish them for how they're feeling.
Teach your child the importance of setting goals and developing a plan to meet that goal and complete that task. Small projects are the best to start off with in the beginning. Ensure that it's an appropriate task for your child, and not too complex. Don't only give praise at the end of the project, but praise their accomplishments during the project as well.
Most importantly, tell your child "I love you" each and every day - many times throughout the day, in fact. When they've behaved badly, remind yourself that it's not them you don't like, only their behavior. Tuck short, sweet notes in their lunchboxes or coat pockets, or even send them a card in the mail. Soon, they'll learn to say "I love you" just as easily and honestly in return.
To raise well behaved kids visit Better Behavior Wheel Parenting Tool
Actively Listening to your Child
Communicating with our children can be a difficult task at times. We
feel like they're not listening to us; they feel like we're not
listening to them. Good listening and communications skills are
essential to successful parenting.
Your child's feelings, views and opinions have worth, and you should
make sure you take the time to sit down and listen openly and discuss
them honestly.
It seems to be a natural tendency to react rather than to respond. We pass judgment based on our own feelings and experiences. However, responding means being receptive to our child's feelings and emotions and allowing them to express themselves openly and honestly without fear of repercussion from us. By reacting, we send our child the message that their feelings and opinions are invalid. But by responding and asking questions about why the child feels that way, it opens a dialog that allows them to discuss their feelings further, and allows you a better understanding of where they're coming from. Responding also gives you an opportunity to work out a solution or a plan of action with your child that perhaps they would not have come up with on their own. Your child will also appreciate the fact that maybe you do indeed understand how they feel.
It's crucial in these situations to give your child your full and undivided attention. Put down your newspaper, stop doing dishes, or turn off the television so you can hear the full situation and make eye contact with your child. Keep calm, be inquisitive, and afterwards offer potential solutions to the problem.
Don't discourage your child from feeling upset, angry, or frustrated. Our initial instinct may be to say or do something to steer our child away from it, but this can be a detrimental tactic. Again, listen to your child, ask questions to find out why they are feeling that way, and then offer potential solutions to alleviate the bad feeling.
Just as we do, our children have feelings and experience difficult situations. By actively listening and participating with our child as they talk about it, it demonstrates to them that we do care, we want to help and we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw from. Remember, respond - don't react.
For more information on teen parenting visit Teen Repair
It seems to be a natural tendency to react rather than to respond. We pass judgment based on our own feelings and experiences. However, responding means being receptive to our child's feelings and emotions and allowing them to express themselves openly and honestly without fear of repercussion from us. By reacting, we send our child the message that their feelings and opinions are invalid. But by responding and asking questions about why the child feels that way, it opens a dialog that allows them to discuss their feelings further, and allows you a better understanding of where they're coming from. Responding also gives you an opportunity to work out a solution or a plan of action with your child that perhaps they would not have come up with on their own. Your child will also appreciate the fact that maybe you do indeed understand how they feel.
It's crucial in these situations to give your child your full and undivided attention. Put down your newspaper, stop doing dishes, or turn off the television so you can hear the full situation and make eye contact with your child. Keep calm, be inquisitive, and afterwards offer potential solutions to the problem.
Don't discourage your child from feeling upset, angry, or frustrated. Our initial instinct may be to say or do something to steer our child away from it, but this can be a detrimental tactic. Again, listen to your child, ask questions to find out why they are feeling that way, and then offer potential solutions to alleviate the bad feeling.
Just as we do, our children have feelings and experience difficult situations. By actively listening and participating with our child as they talk about it, it demonstrates to them that we do care, we want to help and we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw from. Remember, respond - don't react.
For more information on teen parenting visit Teen Repair
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